Upon Completion of My First Year of Teaching

Last week I finished my first year of teaching. I am supremely proud of myself and of the things I have learned in the year. I was a long term substitute and I was basically thrown to the wolves. I didn't mind. As I explained to the Dean of my department, I have been thrown to the wolves all my life for much less. This time, my lesson in sinking or swimming was about my new career and it was particularly fitting that it began in the way it did.

I have learned a lot about myself and other people in the last year. I wanted to take this time to share a couple of them with you.

1. There will be haters everywhere you go.
Using the term "haters" is not the most academic, but it is the most applicable to my situation. In fact, it is applicable to most employment situations. I have/had (I don't have a contract for the fall as of yet) this one woman who tried her hardest to break me. At one point, she did. She berated me so bad over something so small, I ended up in tears. Because she is a big fat meanie head, this made her very happy. When I got home and told my mother, she warned me that all this woman was trying to do was to intimidate me and, ultimately, push me out. She told me to keep doing what I am doing because I have made a name for myself in the school. She was right. I have made a name for myself. I stopped talking to the woman and I stopped absorbing her negative energy. In the past few weeks, she has noticed this and started coming into my room asking me for things. Sure, her intentions are not entirely pure, but now I know it's not my fault. She, as my mother says about people who have issues, "got some stuff with her."

2. Teaching is the most difficult and rewarding thing I have ever chosen to do.
I often tell people that teaching is my accidental calling. I was a substitute teacher while looking for a full time job in Grad school. I spent a lot of time in pre K and high school. Though PreK will always have my heart, I enjoyed the conversations I had with the high schoolers. They were smart. They were funny. They had so much drive and determination. This was something I was never able to see in my peers when I was in high school. I decided that not only could I do this job, but I could do it better than most.
I researched, applied, sent in paperwork, got things notarized, took the PRAXIS - twice. I got certified. In October. Inconvenient for a FT teaching job, but I had the long term substitute position fall into my lap. The rest is, as they say, history.
Teaching is difficult. It is arduous. It is time consuming, but it is also incredibly rewarding. I have managed to touch the lives of young people all year. I had a girl who considered herself a dumb jock write me an incredible short story and start enjoying literature again. I had one kid tell me (though I could not look at him when he said it) that I challenged him and made him think and that he is a better student because of me. I have parents of difficult students coming up to me telling me that their children have never been so successful in English. They are grateful for my patience with their children. I had a student with a "learning disability" get the second highest grade in my class. All he needed was a boost of confidence and a little extra time. The faculty and staff commended me at our last inservice because of my work with the kids. One teacher remarked about a particular advisee who hates everyone but for some reason "worships the ground I walk on." She was my toughest student.

In a year as, say, an administrative assistant, I never could have made this much impact on others. I believe that I was meant to become a teacher and my first year only served to solidify my beliefs.


As of right now, I have no idea if I will be continuing to teach where I am now. Even if I am not there in the fall, I know I can do this job. I know I am capable of making a difference in this world through my students, which is all I ever wanted to do.

Learning from Your Mother

A fellow blogger, Affrodite, posted a contest to win the book "Letters to a Young Sister" by Hill Harper. I have been pondering the idea for the longest time and on the eve of my commencement, I thought I should enter.

The journey to be able to write this letter to my mother was long. It took a lot of soul searching. A lot of talking and learning from life's mishaps to be able to understand and appreciate my mother.

Our relationship has not always been a good one. In high school, she and I battled. Mostly over the whole boy issue. I wanted to date them. She wanted to pretend they didn't exist. Some of the things she did to try to eradicate them from my life were extreme, but they were done out of love. In the event that I have my own daughter, I will go about things a bit different. I will do so because I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of someone who trusts you, but not the world I lived in.

There is no need to go into details about what happened between my mother and I. I now know that most of what she did was because she felt lost in her own mind or, worse, backed into a corner. Maybe it's clique, but if not for those horrible things, I would not be who I am today. I would not be able to appreciate my accomplishments. I would not know what I know today if it weren't for what I have been through.

I am 24 years old. Tomorrow, I graduate for the second time in three years. I have a Masters Degree in English and a Bachelors Degree in English and Women's and Gender Studies. I am a teacher. It took me only 24 years to find and secure a job I love.

I have survived. I will continue to survive and show other young women that they, too, will be alright.

I love my life. I am very fortunate and I could not have done any of this without my mother.


Dear Mom,

Thanks for these last couple of years. Growing up, our relationship was sorted, muddled and wrought with miscommunication and misunderstandings. If it weren’t for the fact that I chose to go to grad school and, subsequently, had to move home, I would have continued to believe you were the person I made you in my head. Instead, we talked. We struggled. We learned things about ourselves and each other that only the strain of abject poverty can reveal. Thanks for being there to pick up the pieces when I finally realized that you are human. Though flawed and imperfect you are the greatest gift to me. Thank you for being my mother.

Your daughter,
Nina

"No one said teaching would be easy or without disappointment"

Last week, one of my students disappointed me.

The funny thing about disappointment is that it is actually worse than being angry. It is a feeling that hits you so deep in your soul, that there is no other word suitable for expressing it. It is disappointment and it is the worst feeling in the world.

I give my kids journals (that I bought myself) to complete every week. They contain daily assignments that are given in class and are all due at the end of the week. This systems seems to work for about 40% of my class. Last week's journal was the source of the problem.

I have this one student who is chronically irresponsible and seldom at fault. Things are always being done to him as opposed to things happening because of him. I tried lecturing him on taking responsibility for his actions. This, clearly, is not applicable when one is never at fault. I know this now.

One of my star pupils was absent the day this student saunters in late with the journal "someone stole" from him two weeks prior. He said he would work on his journal and come back with it the next day. He refused to let me write down what he was missing. At this point, he had taken my star pupil's journal saying he was going to give it back to her. I give all of my students the benefit of the doubt. I believed him.

He took her journal home and copied it. Word for word. Including typos and scribbles. He had already completed the last assignment in the journal on a separate piece of paper. I told him not to worry about doing it, and he still copied it. Word for word.

I had no idea until my star pupil came in the next morning and asked for her journal. It was that moment that my little teacher world came temporarily crashing down. I apologized to the student and she left to find him to get it back.

I sat there. Not mad. Not upset. I was disappointed. Thoroughly disappointed. This kid lied to my face and stole his classmate's journal. I believed he was going to give it to her. I truly did.

When he arrived later that day, he turned in his journal. I got the star pupil's journal and sat there and calmly compared the two. When they left, I RAN to the copier room and photocopied both his journal and the journal of the kid he copied. I wrote a note home and CCed his advisor. I gave him a 0% for the work he still did not complete. Then, I sat.

Before that day, I'd never experienced the utter defeat that comes along with being disappointed. It hits you at the center of your being. Throws off your equilibrium. Reduces you. This student, whom I love so dearly, lied, cheated and stole to make up missed work. He lied to me and I didn't see it. He stole from his classmate who works HARD and has done all of her work. He cheated. Blindly copying word for word and really thought he was going to receive credit for it.

When I told my supervisor, he said to me "No one said teaching would be easy or without disappointment." He's been in education for 40 years and I am sure he has had his share of disappointments, but this was not something I was prepared to handle.

For as much as I love them, some students will cheat. I have to make sure I am ALWAYS on top of my game. I know this now. When it happens again, I'll be ready.